A Letter to My First Born

Tyler. My baby boy. Light of my life.

It is hard to put into words what I feel for you. Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I remember talking to your dad and asking him if he was ready to try for a baby.  He was so excited. After 7 years together, 2 of which were married, we both felt it was time to add a new little soul to love to our family, That first month we tried, I was sure I was pregnant! Guess what? I wasn't. I took about 6 pregnancy tests all to confirm that I really was NOT pregnant. In that moment, I realized how much I really wanted to you. ( A huge shout out to the families that struggle with infertility. Your strength is something of superheroes) The next month came. I made your "tata" (my twinny) sleep over. I woke up so early, pulled her into the bathroom and waited. Test after test after test came back PREGNANT. I could not stop smiling and your tata could not stop crying.

From the moment you were dreamed of, you were loved. You were the first baby in our family in over 10 years and you were mine. I never knew how you would change my world.

I remember holding you in my arms for the 1st time. I loved you. I loved you in a way that I will never be able to fully describe. I loved you in a way that took over everything. Your eyes, your big lips, that little dimple; you were perfect. 

Life will take us in many different directions but I want you to always remember that you are my buddy, my little man, the boy that changed me. The bond that we have can never be undone. I know that you won't remember a lot of the things we do together. You probably won't remember our late night cuddles, our crazy dances in the kitchen, or all the silly pancake shapes I make you. But me? I will remember every moment. I try to soak it all in. 

People always told me "Enjoy it, It goes so fast." I never understood. You are already so different than that little 8lb 11ounce baby boy I held. You are strong, funny, so loving, and every day more independent. Many things have changed but one thing will forever be true; you are the only one that knew me as a single child (it's our special secret).The two and a half years we spent as a family of 3 were more than I could have ever dreamed. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for teaching me how to be a mommy.

I love you now and always, 

MAMA