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We all have a plan. We imagine the way our babies will be born. Everyone's vision is different. "It'll be natural." "C-section all the way. " "I want it in a bath tub." " I won't use meds." "Pump me up with drugs!"
None of these ways is right or wrong. These are all plans we make. The problem with plans is, they dont always pan out.
My vision was a quick labor. I knew I would probably ask for an epidural and I was ok with that. What I did not want was a C-section. I knew the recovery was harder and I wanted to have my mom and sister in the room aside from my husband.
My doctor said she wanted to induce me at 39 weeks. She said Tyler was measuring big. She scared me by saying "If you wait, he could have a hard time coming out and break his clavicle." I was dying to meet Tyler so I agreed. Let's induce! I did not research anything about being induced. I wish I would have.
Thursday, July 23, 2015 I arrived at the hospital at 6am. I was eager and excited. Franklin, my mom, and sister all came with me. They sent my mom and sister out of the room and the doctor induced me. I went from happy to miserable. The pain went from 0 to 1,000. When my mom and sister walked in, they said I was like a different person. Looking back, I am not happy with how brutal my doctor was. She spiked pitocin, broke my water, and had blood all the way to her elbows every time she checked me. We both wanted a fast labor, we were in for a rude awakening.
The hours passed and I wouldn't dilate. Family members came and went. Nurses changed shift. I was still there. By about 9:30 PM. I was told that I wasn't even 4cm. Baby was trying to come out, I was getting a fever and we needed to do a C-section. I lost it. I couldn't stop crying.
Tyler was born at 10:20pm. I saw his face and I realized it did not matter how he came. What mattered was that he was here. He was healthy . I was healthy.
I am not going to sugar coat it. I was mad. I felt inferior. Why couldn't my body give birth naturally? Why didn't I dilate? I was mad. I had a scar. I was in pain. I couldn't even get dressed on my own. I had a hard time breastfeeding. It wasn't ideal.
As the months passed, I began to feel a sense of pride. I was not less of a woman. I was strong. I let people cut me open in order to have my baby.
What I realized later was that my doctor was going on vacation on my due date. She had induced me for personal reasons. I was so mad! I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and keep her as my doctor. When I got pregnant the second time and had a miscarriage, I called her. Her response was "Sorry, I'm really sick. Look sweetie, if it's a loss, it's a loss." I was hurt. I was done. I knew I deserved better and looked for a new doctor.
When I got preganant with my little Lulu, I was determined to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I found a doctor that did that(not all do ) and I found Dr.Venditto and Dr.Rocca. The best! I felt like I mattered and I wasn't just there to make them some money.
If I went into labor before my due date, we would attempt a VBAC. Otherwise, I was scheduled for a c-section on my due date (January 29,2018). On January 23rd at noon I started having contractions. I went to the doctor, no dilation. I was terrified. I cried in his office. I was sent home. As the day progressed, so did my contractions. I spent all night pacing my hallway. Timing. Crying. Wondering.
At about 5 am, I text my mom and sister a screenshot of my timer. My contractions were 3 min apart. We went to the hospital. Slowly, but surely, I progressed. I dilated. I couldn't believe it. At 8:40 PM on January 24th my little Olivia Grace was born. My mom, sister, and Franklin were all there. It's a moment I'll never forget.
After this very long story, I learned 1 thing. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOUR BABY IS BORN! C-section, vaginal, in a tub, at home, through a surrogate or any other way. At the end of the day, it's not like some of us get unicorns and others get lizards. We get babies. We get babies that were perfectly made for us. I think of those women that won't experience that and I am grateful for having my babies. No matter what way they got here.