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Working mom. Stay at home mom. I've been both.
It seems like there is a constant battle between these two mom groups. I'm here to tell you, guess what? They both suck! (They are also both wonderful!)
With Tyler, I went back to work when he was only 1 month old. I am a teacher and I got the opportunity to work at a great school. I had to give up part of my planned maternity leave in order to start at at a new school. Leaving my first baby at 1 month was one of the hardest things I had to do. I wont lie, I cried every day for the 1st week. I would sit in my classroom during my lunch break, the sound of the breast pump in the background, and stare at his pictures. I felt an immense amount of guilt.
I was very lucky. My grandma would watch Tyler while I was at work. I had such peace of mind knowing that he was with her. Still, I cried.
Some days were hard. Other days, work seemed like an escape. It was "me time ". I would talk to my friends. I dressed up every day. I was a mom but I was also Ms.Fraga, a friend, a creator. I had another identity. This also made me feel guilty.
When I had Olivia, Tyler was 2 and a half. My plan was to take 3 months and go back to work. I've written about plans before. They have a way of changing. For different reasons, I ended up taking a year (I'm on month 8). Something tells me it will end up being more than a year. Besides watching Tyler and Olivia, I also spend my days with my nephew (my 3rd baby) who is 2 months old.
I have always said I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I knew it would be hard but it seemed so amazing. It is amazing, don't get me wrong, but there are so many things no one tells you.
I think the hardest part for me is the isolation from friends. I spend my days singing nursery rhymes and pretending to be Moana. When any adult talks to me, they probably regret it. I miss adults so much that I just talk and talk and talk. Work was my place to socialize. Now it's hard to keep in touch. I text them often but it usually ends up in "let's get together soon" and we all know that never happens.
I also find myself cleaning more. Worrying about everything in the house. I want things to be perfect since we spend all day here. The difficulty, for me, comes with reminding myself that I'm a stay at home mom and not a maid.
There is also an immense amount of joy when it comes to being home with my babies. We sing and dance and act silly. They don't judge me. They embrace all the craziness. I get to see each milestone and soak it all in. No day is the same and I find that exciting.
I wouldn't trade my choices for anything in the world. I enjoyed my teacher days and I am now enjoying these 3 little people as they change on a daily basis. We are all different. We are built differently. Some of us love the chaos of deadlines and work pressure while others enjoy the chaos of dirty diapers and mountains of toys. At some point we all wish we could trade places.
No matter what path we take, our kids look up to us. Make the best of your circumstances. You have little eyes watching your every move.
*I worked as a full time elementary teacher
* I currently stay at home until 3:30 and work until 7 tutoring 3 times a week 😉