To My Last Baby Turning One

I often get asked if I'm going to have more babies. The truth is, I don't know. I feel like I have been blessed with two amazing kids and I might just be done.  

I don't know what the future holds but I do know one thing,  for now,  you are my last baby turning 1. 

I find myself just staring at you my little Lulu. I find myself wondering what the hell happened to this last year. How are you one? What did I miss??

With your brother, I enjoyed every moment.  He took all my attention.  Although I worked, I still feel like I soaked in every second of his 1st year. With you it was different.  I had to watch you grow while chasing after Tyler and eventually watching baby Ryan too. You quickly became "the middle child". 

With all this craziness,  I can't help but think that I missed something.  I missed moments of your first year. You are so independent.  You play on your own, you laugh at everything but you still look around to find me in the room. You still seek my approval. You still like to sleep in my arms (even if your brother is laying on top of you). 

You, my little girl, are more than I could have dreamed of. I promise that, even though my time is split, I will do my best to enjoy every moment of you growing up.  

I know I'm not the only mom that feels this way. I feel as if the time is just slipping through my fingers. I just want to freeze a couple of moments. I wish my kids would remember these moments when they got older but I know they won't.  So I will have to remember them all. I will have to etch their little faces in my mind.  One day they will be adults but I'll always see their baby faces. 

As I said before, I don't know what the future holds. I will get to see "my babies" (your cousins) turn 1. But you,  you may be MY last baby turning 1. So for now, I will enjoy. I will cry. I will miss our baby days. I will enjoy watching you grow into a fiesty  toddler and independent little kid. 

Just promise me, you will always look for me in the room and you will cuddle me a little longer. 

Happy 1st birthday my Olivia ❤