My Little Girl, I'll Do Better

Oh my little girl. I laughed as I took this picture.  You casually grabbed the hair iron and pretended to fix your hair just like mommy. It was adorable.

In one second my laughter was overtaken by a wave of fear. I realized how you watch my every move. I realized how you still dont know the difference between right and wrong and how what I do in front of you is all you know.

I flashback to moments in front of the mirror.  You staring at me. Me criticizing all that I saw. I flashback to telling people "Don't you dare post that picture! I look fat." I flashback to changing my clothes 10 times because I didn't like what I saw. Then I see your face looking at me. Taking in everything I do and say. 

I am sorry my little girl. I promise to do better.  I promise to lead by example. I want to show you that you can be beautiful and smart. You can be hardworking and loving. You can be dainty and still kick some ass. You can be anything you want to be. 

I have been a bad example. I don't appreciate the work I do. I put myself down.  I go to the gym and instead of feeling proud, I feel guilty for leaving you. I don't see my full potential. This stops now.

My promise to you, to the little girl that will one day will be a grown woman,  is that today I will change.  I will be strong to show you your strength. I will look at my body with love so that no one can ever tell you that you are less than stunning. I will pursue goals that I once thought were too big for me so that you can be a boss at whatever you choose to do.

This is an open letter to you. A deal I am making. It's you and me. We got this baby girl!