It's Ok to Be Scared but be Brave

"It's ok to be scared but you have to be brave. Be brave." I kept repeating this to my little boy but I think I needed to hear it more than him. 

I consider myself blessed.  I have 2 very healthy kids. Tyler is a  VERY active 4 year old boy and had never been to an ER. Then, everything changed. 

Tyler had his 1st week of school. He loved every second of it. He went to Ninja Warrior school on Saturday and all was normal EXCEPT an abnormal amount of bruising.  All of a sudden there were bruises everywhere. I googled. Never google. I felt like a crazy worried mom but I decided to take him to the doctor. 

Tuesday afternoon we went to his doctor. The doctors face is etched in my mind.  His tone. His look of worry. "Take him straight to the Emergency Room." My heart sank. We went straight to the ER. 

It took over an hour and 6 nurses to try and get a vein. They asked me to hold him.  His little eyes filled with tears as he told me "Mommy let me go. This hurts too much." I wanted to break. I needed to cry but I think Mother Nature is incredible and gives us an unknown strength when it comes to our babies.

After the results came back, they let us know he had to be admitted. He was diagnosed with ITP. His platelet count was 4,000 (normal is 150,000). For some reason his body was attacking itself.  He had to have an infusion that would last 8 hours, wait 8 more hours, then recheck his platelet count. 

It was a long night. He didn't understand.  Why were we pinching him? Why couldn't he go home? He missed his sister.  I missed his sister. I prayed all night. 

Fast forward to his next blood test.  Results were in: 28,000! This was still low but he was ok to go home. The infusion made him sick. The night was filled with fever, headaches,  and vomiting.  I prayed all night.  

3 days after diagnoses he has 156,000 count! We are not out of the woods but we are very hopeful.  He will have to be checked again in 3 weeks. He is not allowed to do his gymnastics or his Ninja Warrior training until we are sure he is back to "normal". These next 6 months will tell us a lot BUT everything points to a positive outcome. 

Spending this time in the hospital has made me feel grateful and horrible all at once. We were lucky.  We got to home. So many families don't.  So many babies know all too well what it is like to be poked and prodded. Our doctor was worried about leukemia.  I got to hear "It is not leukemia." Still I saw the families that weren't as lucky. My heart ached. 

I am grateful.  I am thankful.  The support we got from so many this week has been overwhelming! We are on the up and up! I made a kick ass little boy♥️ we all get scared but remember to be brave.