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Friendships are hard to navigate as you get older. When you are a kid, you go to school and are encouraged to make friends. Everyone is your friend. You play with everyone. As you get older it all changes.
Yesterday I was read by a psychic. She was amazing. She said things that other people would never know. Very casually in the middle of the reading she said "You are lonely in your friendships." I knew exactly what she meant.
I like to believe that I have always been a friendly person. I am pretty social and I work on building friendships. My friends seem to be separated in groups. I have the friends that I went to school with. These friends I only see a few times a year, we text occasionally and every time we hang out we pick up where we left off. The next group are the friends I made as I became an adult. With some, I have built a beautiful friendship. With others I realize I tried too hard, went all in but it is not reciprocated. I reach out often and, when I do, we have great talks but when I don't, they don't reach out to me. Finally there are my FRIENDS. You know what I mean. The friends that you want to call when something big happens. The ones you talk to daily or weekly. I can count these friends on one hand (and I probably wouldn't even use the whole hand).
The older I get the more I realize that quality is more important than quantity. Why would I want a handful of friends if it is going to be emotionally exhausting? Why do I need 20 friends to check in on when no one checks in on me? Quality matters. Real friendships matter. When play time is over and times get tough, who's going to be there?
I hope to show my children good examples of what friendships are. I will not say "Be friends with everyone." I will say "Respect everyone but choose the RIGHT friends. With the RIGHT friends, you will never feel alone."
To my real friends (the ones I can count on my one little hand) I thank you. Thank you for being there. I hope I am the same friend to you that you are to me. To me childhood friends, I love you always and can't wait for our next random get together. To all the others, I am here for you when you need me but I am done feeling lonely in friendships.