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Being a parent is scary. No one ever really told me that part. I got a lot of advice. I heard a lot about motherhood. "Sleep when the baby sleeps." "You will never feel love like the love you feel for your child." "You will never sleep again." "Follow your instincts." "Enjoy every moment." All that advise was great. All of it was appreciated. I just wish someone told me how scary motherhood would be.
As a mom, I worry about everything. I get anxious and a stream of scenarios play in my head no matter how hard I try to quite them. Every time our routine changes, I worry. Will they be ok without me? Can't I just keep them near me a little longer? Maybe I can protect them from any pain that may come their way.
This week my son started Kindergarten. I cried for 2 weeks when he started Pre-K. Now he was going to a new big boy school. He didn't know his teacher. He didn't have any friends. He had no idea how to navigate the campus. My mom brain was going around and around with endless worry. He had to wear a belt. What if he can't undo it on his own. He had to wear a mask. What if it bothered him all day? What if he can't open his lunch container? What if...what if...what if.
When I picked him up he was smiling. He told me his teacher was nice but he hadn't made any friends yet. My heart sank. Day 2 came and he was telling me all about his new friend and "the coolest desk ever that opens". Day 3 is here and he begged me to drop him off early. I am filled with a bitter sweet feeling. He is okay all day without me. He figured out how to undo his belt. He wears his mask like a superhero. His lunchbox comes empty. He is doing it.
Being a parent is scary. You want to hold on while showing them how to let go. Nothing can prepare you for that. I have come to realize that the best parents are the ones that let their kids soar. Every time I let go, my kids surprise me. They show me that they are stronger than I give them credit for and braver than I could have imagined.I learn from them just as much as they learn from me. As moms, we have the best view. Let them soar.