Finding Me

When prompted to choose an image for this blog, I didn't know what to pick. Then I saw this and it felt perfect. A blurry mess BUT if you look closely, I am happy in the midst of the blurry mess.

At some point, I thought I had my life all figured out. Life laughed in my face. Everyone had always told me that my 30s would be my fun, sexy years. I figured that made sense. My kids were getting bigger, I would have a bit more freedom to go out and enjoy my adult life. I had been pregnant and/or breastfeeding from the end of 2014 to the beginning of 2020. I turned 30 and thought "Here we go!" Except I had no idea what I was gearing up for.

At 31, my marriage ended and my idea of who I was, was shattered. I was a wife and mom. That was my identity. Who was I? I quickly realized how I had changed when I became a stay at home mom. It was like there was a pre home Katie and post home Katie. Pre home Katie had a career. She had a lot of friends. If you know me, you know I like to talk. Post home Katie went from girl talk to baby talk, I went from being social and independent to being home, covered in babies and diapers. I will NEVER regret my decision. I still wake up every morning thanking God for allowing me this time with my greatest gifts.

So there was "working Katie", "wife Katie" , "stay-at-home mom Katie"....now what? Getting dumped does something to your ego. What is wrong with me? Will someone else love me? Will people find me pretty? Will I ever be with anyone else? and all those other nonsense questions we ask ourselves. You know what I learned?? I needed to make me a priority. I needed to not care about others opinions. If my 30's are going to be MY years, I need to enjoy them! You know why there is happiness in the blurry mess? Because I have an amazing family that supports me. I have the best kids on the planet. I have stories to tell and people that will listen. My blessings outnumber my trials 100 to 1.

I may be the girl that is still finding herself in the blurry mess but as long as I'm still smiling, it will be ok. Cheers to the years to come. Cheers to learning to be a better mommy every day. Cheers to learning to let go and live a life with more fun and less stress. Cheers to my sexy years!! Finding me might be a forever process but it's becoming a process I am really enjoying.

To anyone reading this that doesn't fully know who they are, I'm here to tell you it is ok! Have fun finding yourself. What's the fun in having it all figured out anyways?