How Did I Lose a Year?

Do you know what this picture is? It is me and my son going down the "Fun Slide". I picked this picture because this is exactly what 2020 has felt like. It has been one hell of a bumpy ride. We took this picture in January. Little did we know the shit show that was about to unfold.

As December rolls in, along comes my birthday. Last year I wrote about turning 30 and how it would be the best year yet (blah, blah, blah) . As I tossed and turned in my bed last night, realizing my 31st was around the corner, I thought to myself , "How the hell did I lose a year?"

So many plans were shattered. No Pre-K graduation. No birthday parties. No trip to Spain. No group activities. No restaurant memories. Nada! Lack of money. Lack of sleep. Lack of peace of mind. How did Iose a year?

I started to panic and wonder what I did with my big 3-0. Did I waste it all? Did we just jump from March to December?

This year has to have been one of the toughest in my life. Mentally, emotionally, physically...all of it. If you've read my past blogs you know why. I know this year didn't happen in vain. I know it came to kick my ass and show me that I am still standing and smiling at the end of it.

This year I became better. I became a better mother. I learned how to handle my anxieties so that I don't pass them on to my kids and I learned that they are more resilient than I give them credit for. I became a better wife. I learned to communicate in a different way. I became a better believer. I learned that sometimes I have to let go of what I think should be happening and embrace what is. I became a creator. I took a chance and started my own podcast and bracelet company. I decided to be better, do better, and dream big.

I didn't lose a year. None of us did. It may not have been the year that any of us expected it to be but it wasn't lost. It was a year of learning, a year of growth, and a year that showed us all that nothing can keep us down.